he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
its liver damage thursday
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
