Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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