the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
