every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
