The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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