I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
