ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
