So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
