Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
