If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
