i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
