I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
