he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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