Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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