Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
