I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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