is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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