i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
