2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
