Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
