Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So squirting runs in the family.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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