Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
