Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
