I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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