I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just found puke in my bra..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
