o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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