one might say we're banned from that church
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
