i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
