Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
