Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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