Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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