Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
