did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
