New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Houston, we have a squirter
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
