I puked a lego.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
