Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
