I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
