he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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