One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
