It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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