He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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