I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
