something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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