If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
