just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
