he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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