You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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