He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
