he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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