The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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